Greetings and welcome to my journal. While I encourage you to give your opinion on things that I talk about, I request that you be respectful and keep your opinion relatively on topic. This is a drama free zone and I will not be held accountable if you get your feelings hurt in a debate.

Oh, and for writing this disclaimer for me, depths_of is the dopest on the planet. ;-)

Pretty Cool Quiz

I got 15 out of 20.

Attention She Who Posted The Text Below:

I can only assume this is about me.  Maybe I am paranoid and it is not but you have done it before elsewhere.  If you have something to say to me then have the fucking balls to say it to my face.  Maybe you have been hearing from mutual friends that I am still upset and that is what prompted this post.  The thing is, if you are so "done" then why are YOU still posting about it?  This behavior is totally childish.  Grow up or get some balls and lets settle this damn thing!

You know what?!  Never mind.  You are clearly not worth it.  You are clearly not worth my time and heartache.  You were clearly not worth the time I spent catering to you while we were "friends".  I should have seen this from day one and never bothered to begin with.  Once a childish and selfish little bitch, ALWAYS a childish and selfish little bitch.  Get over yourself.  Seriously.

If this was not about me, you clearly have no clue how to be a real friend instead of someone who uses people.  Your "friends' aren't kleenex and have feelings.  Maybe try thinking beyond yourself for once and you might not die a lonely old hag.

To "Whom" it may Concern
Current mood: accomplished


Appropriately I though I would post the lyrics for the best song in the world today, according to the Grammy's that is. heh.
If you know the story of where it comes from you probably agree. As do I.
However, I have also found a deeper more personal meaning and wish to have those feelings written and in a sense made real.
The peson who this is directed to is no longer in my life, so this is more just a catharsis for myself.



Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

"May the fourth be with you." - in the words of an old friend of mine.

Happy Birthday, Michael, wherever you are.

I have two original paintings of his at my house. For some very personal reasons I am looking to unload them. One of them is his famous blue painting of the blindfolded nude man. The other is a self portrait of sorts.

If you would like them, please drop me a line at melistress at gmail dot com using I NEED A HERO as your subject line so I don't just delete the message thinking it is spam. If you have people on your friends list who you know would be interested, please pass this message on to them.

I would rather see the paintings go on to someone who would appreciate them than unload them on e-bay or toss them in the garbage.

Thanks so much!

PLEASE USE THE E-MAIL as this post is going to be public.

EDIT: I am waiting until next Friday to see if Kely, himself, speaks up as I have sent the message around and he might want to have a say in this. Of course, I would like to respect his wishes. I did not pay for the paintings and therefore feel it would be wrong of me to not let him have his say. I will contact the recipient(s) after that date to make arrangements.

When I was younger I had a serious problem. I had a propensity for making the lives of those around me miserable, simply because I was miserable. I didn't really intend for that to happen, it just did. I had a nasty break up and 90% of the people I was friends with were also friends with him. My misery made things really hard for them. I see that now.

The years went on and eventually Simon and I could be in the same room and even somewhat social (only on occasion though). The hurt I was feeling was carrying on and on and on and on and on....

The hurt never really went away. Even to this day I can honestly say that some part of me is still very angry about the whole thing and even hurt by the distance that my misery put between myself and some really great people.

One day, I was invited to a birthday celebration for two people who, at the time, were close friends. They shared the same birthday. They were friends with Simon too. I sucked it up and went to the celebration. I laughed, I had a good time, and I even shared conversation with Simon. The whole thing went suprisingly well - for all involved.

I think that what we forget is that when relationships of any kind end, especially when they end badly, that we put a lot of stress on those around us. Don't mention his name around me, don't invite him to the same places you invite me. We end up isolating ourselves because no one wants to walk on eggshells around us. How did we meet? Well, we met through a ... (I would usually say "friend" here) but would prefer not to because I don't want to piss anyone off.

Your friends are here to help with the pain but they aren't there to play tug-o-war or end their lives because YOU are in pain. I really hope these are words I can live by from now on. And for those of you on my friends-list who survived the very big atomic bomb that dropped in my life so many years ago - thank you for still being here despite my misery. Thank you for being my friend and I am so sorry I put any of you through all that.

**The occasional trip to Outlook helps a lot**

EDIT: I still maintain, however, that it is WRONG to date someone who just ripped your best friend's heart to shreds and spread vicious lies about her, especially if there wasn't a friendship before that. DON'T EVER DO THAT! It is an offense punishable by death!

How interesting it is that the International Day for the Elimination of Racism falls during a time when I am in the middle of reading To Kill A Mockingbird. What is amazing is that this book has managed to shock me in the way it casually uses racial slurs that, in Saskatchewan, we rarely even hear anymore. Part of the reason we don't hear it is that our black population is very minimal compared to other parts of the continent. Alas, we are not without racism here though.

Even more interesting is that we no longer hear the slightly more acceptable word "negro" anymore around here either. The casualness of this word in the book shocked me too. I believe when I was younger the words had much more widespread use.

Today is the International Day for the Elimination of Racism. I believe that in eliminating racism we should not, however, eliminate this book. I don't believe that, in erasing the mistakes of our history, we have learned anything.

Today, and actually everyday <-- don't just limit it to one day. Have the courage to stand up and state that racism is wrong when you see it. In fact, don't limit yourself to racism either. Stand up against bigotry of ALL forms, whether involving race, religion, sexual orientation, or even subculture. Embrace the diversity of humankind.

Participate in Freedom to Read Week. Also, READ BOOKS!!!!  Lots of books!  Especially Challenged Books!

Also, read what c3n0byte has to say about the whole thing at The Centre of the Universe!

Censorship is WRONG and inhibits education and imagination.

If you are one of those whiners who is going on and on about there being no jobs in Saskatchewan, you just aren't looking hard enough. Two years ago Admin people used to be a dime a dozen and were paid just a little over minimum wage. Since I have been here the wage has doubled and Admin people are very hard to find. This is not only true for admin people but for most trades as well. Transcontinental Publications has been trying to hire a new press operator for as long as we have been back in Saskatoon to no avail. This amounts to a total of 6 years that they have been short staffed. Almost all of our clients are starving for tradesmen and of course there are also all the service positions that are hiring as well. We are very quickly going the way of Alberta. There aren't enough people to staff all of our businesses. Wages are consequently going up and there is going to be a rush of people coming here. Just look at the way housing is going. Realtors are actually begging people to sell their homes so that they can find homes for their clients.

Stop whining and get off your ass and actually look for work.

I noticed that I have a couple of new friends.

**waves**

HI!

Anyway, you know who you are. It would be really cool if you would comment and tell me where you found me and why you added me so that I know. Once you have done so, I can make the decision as to whether or not to add you back so you can see my friends only posts. I don't post too many public posts so if you don't comment you might find me rather boring. lol

There are some awesome pictures and footage as public posts in the journal of kerimatheson

Well, I have been cozy in my little home over the last couple of days. It is no secret that we had a major blizzard here. The only one I have seen anywhere near like it was in I think 1986. Even then, I don't think it was this bad.

Yesterday began the bitter cold here. About 10:00am the highways were better and so I thought I would venture out and go to work. I stepped out my front door to shovel the driveway and to my dismay, discovered that the property manager had indeed plowed just a small path down the street. My driveway was covered in three feet of snow and the bank stretched out to the middle of the road. I went back inside to get my camera...pictures to follow maybe on Monday. I didn't bring them with me today. Later I went back outside to at least try and put a dent in the snow bank.

It seemed that the property manager had phoned for someone else to come and remove the snow. There I was in Andrew's jacket, my running shoes (because I don't do snow boots and therefore don't own any, a situation that will be rectified), my little crocheted tam with the red rose and my fuzzy little red mitts. Quite the sight. Anyway, lo and behold there was a backhoe on our street. A lot of the neighbours were out shovelling themselves out of their driveways and a couple of neighbours were kind enough to lend a hand with snow blowers. Apparently I was next in line for help. The dude with the tractor, however, saw me in all my pathetic glory, and in 30 seconds, cleared out my driveway for me. I thought he was going to do this for everyone but he actually didn't. I must have just looked THAT sad.

At around 2:00pm I ventured out onto the highway to pick up some stuff from the grocery store. I have never seen anything like it. There were vehicles abandoned everywhere. I made sure to look and make sure that everyone had been picked up and no one was still out there freezing.

I got to the grocery store and in the area where the store was, the abandonment of vehicles was even worse. This whole area of town was shut down on Wednesday. Those of you who live here will know it as the McOrmond Road or Erindale or Arbor Creek area. It was so bad there that some of the streets still weren't clear. There were giant ice burgs from the snow removal just random around the area. There was an abandoned Brinks truck just in the middle of the street. You know its bad when Brinks abandons ship.

Today a lot of those vehicles are still there. There just aren't enough tow trucks to take care of everyone. School busses have been cancelled because they still can't get down some of the streets. This is my son's third day at home due to the weather this week.

Incredible.

Does anyone have any good suggestions for where to donate a bunch of almost mint condition used toys?

I have just done a major hack and slash job on my friends list in the name of clean up to both friends and communities. It isn't that I don't feel these people are my friends anymore, but for whatever reason I am not hearing from them in the way of them posting to their own journals nor commenting on mine. This decision was not made to distress or upset anyone. I still love everyone. If you remain on my friends list it is either because you participate in my journal or you provide me with entertaining content on my friends list from day to day or both.

If anyone has any objections to this (and I realise that I could be someone else's entertaining content) please do reply and we will discuss. The point wasn't to "cut" anyone (that is such a bad word for it) but to clean up my journal a little bit. Housekeeping for the new year.

I look forward to hearing from those of you I have kept in the new year.

Some thoughts on my e-mail from Rambling Dave

He is inviting comments, so if you have any, please leave one at his blog.

So I took all the profanity out of my last post and e-mailed some radio stations and two local newspapers. Here is one reply:


Thank you for your letter. You make some very valid points. I found your e-mail quite interesting. It gives me a different perspective of what we as a society do…or don’t do for that matter…to help those who need the food or are on welfare. It would be of interest to me and to our station if you could give us details on how you make ends meet each and every day of the year. The only way we can truly understand…and truly get the right word out…is to speak with someone who is going through the issue themselves.



Derek Watson

Program Director - C95 FM

Program Manager - ROCK 102 FM

Host - The Joe Blow Radio Show - Wednesday at 7 p.m. on C95

Rawlco Radio - Saskatoon

306-934-2222 

And my reply:

Hello Derek,

 

Thank you for your reply.  I would love to help you out.  Absolutely.  I need to clear something up though.  I am no longer a Saskatoon citizen living on welfare.  I have managed to scrape and claw my way out and I consider myself very fortunate to have done so.  I am speaking as someone who has been there.  I would be more than happy to answer any questions you might have about what I did go through but I think it would be to your benefit to actually talk to someone who is currently there.  I have been gainfully employed since 1998 and situations have changed since then. 

 

I invite you to perhaps talk to people going into the food bank and actually using the services they offer.  Perhaps another idea is to advertise on your station that you would like to interview someone who uses the services of the food bank.  Unfortunately the girl I referred to at the end of my e-mail is someone I am no longer in contact with.  I will see what I can do to find you someone to talk to if you are ok with that.  

EDIT:  ANOTHER RESPONSE:

I have talked with Rambling Dave, Shauna and Rob about the possibility of us spending some time at the Food Bank next week.  Just to see firsthand…the people that come in to use their services.  It might give all of us a better perspective.  I passed your e-mail along to Dave and I believe he plans to respond to yours.  I congratulate you on your ability to claw your way out and no longer require the services of the Food Bank.  That speaks volumes of your determination to create a better life for yourself.  If you do find someone to talk to…let me know.  Having someone on the air who uses the services of the Food Bank simply demonstrates the reality of it all.  Thanks again for your e-mail Melissa…I hope to hear from you soon.

 

Derek Watson

Program Director - C95 FM 

Program Manager - ROCK 102 FM

Host - The Joe Blow Radio Show - Wednesday at 7 p.m. on C95

Rawlco Radio - Saskatoon

306-934-2222

Its that time again. Its time for everyone to pull together in charity for those who are in need during this Holiday Season. Its not that I disagree with this practice in our culture, but really, what are we thinking!? These people are in need YEAR ROUND!!! This really makes me angry. At Christmas we all get together and give to the needy and give ourselves a pat on the back that we have done our good deed for the year. It really seems to me that this is more about making ourselves feel better than helping anyone.

OK, so what got me going on this topic this morning, you ask? Well, its an event that the Saskatoon Food Bank is holding this year. All the employees, along with some other recruited Saskatoon citizens, have figured out that people on welfare feed themselves on about $6 per day. This $6 also includes the saran wrap and wax paper used to wrap their children's lunches for school on. This also includes their toothpaste, soap and shampoo. So, in their infinite wisdom, they have decided to live, themselves, for a week on $6 per day.

In theory this is a really nice idea. Trying to get a picture of what these people are going through. No special smelly cheeses from the Bulk Cheese Warehouse, no steak, no eating out...it will prove to be very difficult for these people. Today they reported that this week they have thus far been thinking only of how to ration this $6. They say that it consumes every waking thought. They are missing a few very fundamental things.

I have been one of these people living on welfare and $6 per day. First, these Food Bank people all know there is a light at the end of this little week long tunnel. Secondly, they will only have done it for a week. People who are living on welfare for extended periods of time have figured out how to ration that $6 if they aren't addicts and their every waking thought is not about rationing food. You buy what is cheap. If you think you can afford meat, it is guaranteed to be ground beef. You live on frozen vegetables and rice. You add flavor with a no name can of soup. You live on a LOT of pasta, especially no name brands of mac n cheese.

This whole little "experiment" of theirs is laughable. Its actually a slap in the face of those who are making it work. This is, at least, how I would have seen this.

I think we need to address some other issues. I think that there are several people who are on welfare and find it difficult to get off of welfare because a minimum wage job just won't pay for both the living expenses and daycare for the children. Steven Harper's $100? Give me a break! Seriously. $100 is more than they would have had, of course, but it makes a very small dent in the daycare costs for people working full time at minimum wage, especially with more than one child. Granted, then you would get $200 but when full time daycare around here costs about $400-450 per month per child, this is a little hard to swallow for people trying to get off welfare. Honestly, they are better off on it.

Another issue, we are spending tax dollars to find out that our inner city children are malnourished. Duh! Our proposed solution? Lets educate the impoverished so that they know what they should be feeding their children. Come on people! Like smoking, its not that people don't know. While I was on weight watchers I wasn't on welfare. I found, however, that the road to healthy eating is a very expensive one. So, we want people to eat on $6 per day and we want to educate them (which is yet another insult) and then we want them to use that $6 to buy carrot sticks!!!? Seriously people! Think for a moment! Maybe consult with some actual welfare recipients and actually ASK them what their life is like (if they even want to talk about it) so that you get reality rather than this weird and twisted version from your little experiments. ASK them what would make their lives better.

I know a single mother who has been trying to get off of welfare for a long time. She actually got herself off of welfare for a little while by putting herself through school on a student loan. There are mental health issues in her family and it made it very difficult for her to work and be available to pick her kids up from school/daycare at a moment's notice. She still fought hard, putting both her kids and herself into therapy while back living on welfare. Eventually she went to a government run agency, designed to help people look for work (not EI, its some Saskatchewan thing and the name escapes me at the moment). They turned her away! THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH A CULTURE THAT ALLOWS THIS TO HAPPEN TO SOMEONE WHO IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO MAKE THEIR LIVES BETTER!

Don't get me wrong. Give to your local food bank. Give lots. My issue isn't with the charity. My issue is with the culture in general. Our government spends loads of money sending money overseas and yet there are children living in poverty in our own country. Meanwhile, at Christmas we wander around, flashing our phoney colgate smiles, patting ourselves on the back that we think we understand and have done our good deed for the year. Its sick.

EDIT: I have made this post Public so that you can link to it from your own journals if you wish. I think its a message to be spread.